Blye Elizbeth

December 13, 2001 was a dreary day... my husband and I were too excited because we were going to have an in depth ultrasound at my 28 week appointment. We were so anxious to find out the sex of the baby we were both awaiting. I knew down deep it was another baby girl. We both heard the heartbeat and smiled at each other. The tech was taking so long and not saying a word. We kept asking, "Is it a boy or a girl?" She had this horrid look on her face and said that she was going to get Dr. Zivney because she couldn't get an exact measurement on the head. I felt like I had been shot through the heart. I wasn't sure what exactly might be wrong but I knew it was not good. I will never forget that ladies face. Dr. Zivney had been my doctor through a miscarriage that I had at 12 weeks back in Feb.2001 so I new his nervous face. He walked in and said for us not to worry. "How in the world do you do that?", I asked him. He scanned the computer screen for what seemed like an eternity. I could see my little one bouncing around looking so healthy. There had to be some misunderstanding. Then he looked at us and said, "I'm just not real sure what is going on here. Before I jump to any conclusions I want you to go down to the hospital for a better ultrasound. Let's not worry just yet." I drank about 3 bottles of water and headed for the hospital. Neither me or Steve were really saying much. It was all too much to take in. And we haven't even been told anything yet. The Radiologist scanned and scanned and scanned. We asked her if she knew anything. She couldn't tell us anything because of liability or something. So we said can we at least know what the sex is. She said, "It's a baby girl". Still a nervous wreck we were told to go back to Dr. Zivney's office in an hour. AN HOUR!!! God it felt like an eternity! We went to get something to eat and still sat quietly. Steve would try to keep positive by saying everything is fine. Both of us knew that wasn't true. The time came, we walked into my doctors office and sat down. He told us that our little girl had Anencephaly. The survival rate is 0%. My husband fell in my lap in tears. He is not an emotional man so it was really awkward. Not to mention that I couldn't breathe right from that moment on... I questioned the doctor. I did not understand! God why me! But she is moving and kicking me. The doctor said that I am what was keeping her alive. That she would not be able to function on her own. We went for one more ultrasound the next day. This one was even more in depth. I couldn't sleep. I was so miserable. I couldn't protect my baby girl. I was helpless! But somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping for some miracle. They were all wrong! They confirmed my Blye's fate once again. We decided that we would go ahead and induce labor. It took me a few days to decide but I felt like it was the best decision for my family. We tried for four days and nothing happened. I never dilated. So we then decided that we would come back after the holidays and try again. January 7, 2002 we went back to the hospital to try again. Still, I would not dilate. I had a c-section with my first daughter so we decided to go ahead and have another one. January 9, 2002 at 5:45pm my little angel was born. I remember asking my doctor if she was out yet. He said yes. My heart stopped! Reality set in when she had been out for 5 min. and I had not even heard her cry. My husband brought her over to me. Blye looked so tiny in her daddy's arms. Steve had so many tears. She could hardly breathe. But God she was beautiful. Everything on her little body was perfectly formed. Except for the top part of her head which was covered by the smallest little cap I had ever seen. After my stitches they rolled me into recovery. As we were headed down the hall my mother was standing there with the saddest look on her face. That must have been really hard to see your daughter have to go through something like that. Our pastor came and said a prayer over Blye. It was the sweetest prayer I had ever heard. The nurse came in at 7:30pm and my Blye had gone to be with Jesus. I held her for a couple of more hours and we took pictures of Blye with all the family. Those pictures are one of my most precious treasures. I would recommend anyone to take pictures and spend time with your baby. That is all you have... I still long for her. Time does heal a broken heart. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and wish she were here............... Erin e-mail: e_cessna@cox-internet.com