Title: Life of the Living Dead, Part 2
Author: Jen
E-Mail: angel_812000@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Content/warnings: Character Death, rape, murder
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Summary: a murder story with a twist
Life of the Living Dead, Part 2
I was what?
Pregnant?
'Chance would be a fine thing!' I yell at her.
OK, so I wasn't exactly playing the Virgin Mary at the moment, but pregnant? I couldn't… not after Jolinar. They made a mistake…
"Pregnant?" Daniel spluttered. "How?"
"Well, when a man and a woman love each other…" Jack started.
Humour. His first line of defence. I love that about him.
"Pregnant. Five weeks," Janet read.
"Think she knew?" Daniel asked.
'No!' I reply.
"Maybe. She never said anything to me, though," Janet said.
"Five weeks?" Jack asked.
Two plus two equals… Oh hell.
"Yeah, why?"
"Nothing," he covers.
But he knows, and I know, and in a bit they'll know. I look at him, and I want to hold him, and comfort him, and tell him I'm sorry.
"The AFI know this?" Daniel asks.
"They will do. It's their report."
"Great," Jack droned. "More questions."
*****
I couldn't stay there and listen to them debate the pregnancy that I didn't know about. I decided to take a walk, clear my head, get my thoughts together. I ended up leaving the base, and decided to climb as far up the mountain as I could.
About half way, I stopped. The view from here was great.
*****
Last night, I was getting into bed when someone knocked on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"……" he replied.
I let him in, and he told me there was something big going on. I went into my room to get dressed, then he…
*****
I know that, and I know his name, but I can't hear it in my mind.
There are too many holes, even basic stuff. I can't remember what colour hair Mom had. My first boyfriend's name…
This is stupid. I was always taught that death provided you with all the answers. You suddenly learnt everything. Now I felt like it was my first day at school.
*****
My baby. I rub my hands over my phantom stomach, and imagine what might have been.
P4X something something something. I'll never forget that mission. Why can I remember that, and not who the bastard who broke into my house, held me down on my own bed and raped me? Why can't I see the face of the man who beat me, threw me about my own home, took my own kitchen knife and carved me up with it?
I remember that night. The spell, the drink, the kisses, the touches.
Every detail, even the look in his eye.
But not the eye of my killer.
I need justice. Not just for me, but for Jack. And the baby.
*****
I've been dead for 18 hours now. Wow. That's something you don't hear every day. And in that time, my world (what's left of it) has been turned upside down.
I was pregnant. The one thing I have always wanted besides my career, and I lose it before I even knew about it.
When it started to get dark, I thought of Jack and let this transfer thing do its thing. He was alone in his office.
I'd never been in Jack's office before. It was… I don't want to say weird again, because I'm using that word for everything. At the same time, it was Jack.
"Sam," he breathed.
'I'm here,' I replied without thinking.
"I miss you."
'I'm here.'
At this point he broke down again. Big style.
*****
After an hour of just being with Jack - I like to think that it helps - I decided to see if my tax dollars were at work in finding the bastard who messed up my life in spectacular fashion.
The AFI had an office set up, so I just turned up when they were going through the notes from the day. Looking over the Colonel's shoulder, I saw they'd interviewed everyone on base.
The notes on Jack's interview were on top of the desk. God, I wanted to read them.
'Open that one,' I said. Hey, it could work.
So he picked up the file and opened it.
Result!
"This one," he said.
"Her CO?" the Major said.
I couldn't believe it. These two guys were heading down a path I didn't want them going anywhere near.
'Jack?' I scream. 'You think Jack did this to me?'
"Everyone on base knows he had a thing for her," the Colonel said.
"So?"
'Yeah, so?'
"So, she starts dating someone else, jealousy…"
'You bastard!' I spit.
Ignoring the rest of their stupid conversation, I read over the near illegible handwriting. They'd probed into every part of his life. Sara, Charlie, the original mission. They were pulling him apart.
"Twenty dollars says the kid was his," the Colonel said, and suddenly I was paying attention.
"You're on," the Major replied.
'Oh hell…' I said.
Jack had only just found out I was pregnant. Now they were going to throw this at him.
Now I wished I could do something.
Like beat the hell out of them.
*****
I spent the night at Jack's, just watching him sleep. I hadn't realised how peaceful that could be. Just watching, studying his face.
His sleep wasn't peaceful. I could see it in his face, his closed eyes. Every now and then my name escaped his lips. He called out for me.
He was dreaming about me. And not those kind of dreams.
I felt like I was intruding, but I couldn't leave. I didn't want to leave. He missed me, and I needed him.
But most of all, I loved him.
*****
In the morning, I left for the base bright and early. I wanted to be there when they found out the results. Some of the Tok'ra technology we had been using were medical, and so they were processing the DNA results of my baby overnight.
*****
"And?" the Major (who I learnt was called Mike).
"It's his," the Colonel said. I've started calling him Damien. That guy is evil.
'I could have told you that,' I said.
*****
That mission, we were welcomed by the natives. Once again, they assumed that Jack and I were mates. When they discovered that we weren't, they spent the two days watching us.
Then the last night…
*****
Suddenly, I was with Jack. Thinking about that night obviously pulled me to him. It had been a while, as he was on base.
Hammond walked into his office, and shut the door.
'They told you then,' I said.
"Jack, we need to talk."
"About what, sir?"
"Major Carter."
Jack sighed. This wasn't a favourite topic for him.
'Sit down,' I told him, but he did it of his own accord.
"What?" he asked.
"The results on her… baby, have come back. Is there something you want to tell me?”
"Like what, sir?" Jack asked. He didn't know. He suspected, but he didn't know.
"Like how you became the father of that child."
*****
The wife of the elder had come up to me, and asked if she could perform some ceremony on me. She said it was about healing. Not wanting to offend, I agreed.
She made me this drink which tasted of strawberries, then led me to a clearing. There was a fire already burning, and she made me sit on one side.
Jack came and sat on the other.
She threw some herbs on the fire, then left us alone.
We worked through it by thinking it was all a dream. We talked for hours about everything that has ever mattered to us. I learnt things about Charlie that no one but he and Sara know.
When the fire died down, I started to feel cold, so he came round to me, put his arms around me.
That night, it was so natural. We didn't think ourselves as Colonel and Major, but as Jack and Sam.
I told him I loved him, and he told me. I didn't know if it was true or not. He kissed me, and he held me.
All of a sudden I wanted him, and he wanted me. He removed my shirt and kissed my chest…
We had one night together. One night of something that was just sex. Sex, with underlying love.
*****
And we made a baby.
When Jack had finished telling the story, Hammond accepted why it hadn't been included in the reports. Now it had to come out.
'Jack,' I whispered. 'I love you.'
I needed to tell him, I needed…
After Hammond had left, Jack got up to leave himself. He walked straight through me.
'Oh, I wish people would stop doing that!' I yelled.
"Sam?" Jack asked.
He turned around, and he looked at me.
I mean he LOOKED at me.
"Oh my God," he whispered. "Sam…"
"You can see me?" I asked.
"Of course I can…" he breathed.
"Don't get your hopes up," I said quickly. "I'm still dead. But I'm still here. I've always been here."
"How?" he asked.
"I don't know," I sighed. "I woke up yesterday, and I was dead."
"I miss you," he said.
"I miss you too."
"The baby?"
"I didn't know. I swear."
"I know. You would have said… My baby."
"Yeah. I am so sorry, Jack!"
I couldn't believe it. I'm talking to him! How?…
"Why appear now?" he asked.
"I've always been here."
"Were you there in the briefing room? I felt cold…"
"Yes!" I said excitedly. "I wanted to touch you…" I reached out, but my hand went straight through his again. "Did you feel that?"
"Yes."
"Then you'll always know when I'm here."
"Sam, who did this to you?"
"I don't know." I replied.
Oh, this wasn't fair…
'Jack, I…'
"Sam?" His face had dropped, and now he looked confused. "Sam? Where are you?"
'I'm here!' I yelled, but I knew he couldn't see me anymore.
"Sam, please…" He was begging me to come back now. Taking a deep breath, I did the only thing I could.
I walked through him.
Jack shuddered, and he knew I was still here.
'OK, so what just happened?' I asked out loud.
~~You crossed the line that everyone tries to reach~~ I heard another voice.
'Jolinar?'
*****
Now, I'm new at this. I've never been dead before. Well, not dead-not-coming-back dead. So talking to the host of the Tok'ra that I once had was…
I'm not saying it again.
~~I don't have long~~ she said. ~~It's only because you've got one foot in each world, and I'm a representation of a part of you~~
'What is going on?' I asked.
~~You have seven chances to communicate. And even then it is with the one with… what's the word? The literal translation of the phrase is 'who held your heart'. Seven chances which arise from anger~~
'You're saying I have to get angry for Jack to hear me?'
~~It's the only way you can, and it won't last~~
Seven chances. One down.
As quickly as she came, Jolinar left.
Six chances left. I had to make them count.
*****
Who held my heart.
Jack.
*****
After talking to Jolinar, I wanted to stay close to Jack. I feel like a kid who has all her pocket money, and wants to spend it all at once.
I want to sit and talk to Jack for as long as possible.
But I can't. So I'm sitting with him in the room, while Major Satan questions him about our relationship.
"Did you and Major Carter ever have a relationship?"
"No," Jack replied firmly.
"Yet you fathered her child."
"I've explained that."
"Finally."
"What else is there?"
"Did you have a key to her house?"
"I'm sorry?" Jack asked.
'Oh hell…' I said.
*****
Four months ago I spent some time with Dad.
"You want me to what?" Jack asked.
"Keep an eye on my house," I replied. "Water my plants, that kind of thing."
"Want me to talk to them as well?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in a way that suggested he'd been taking lessons from Teal'c.
"Just… don't kill them."
"Carter?"
"Yes?"
"How do you suggest I look after your plants? Break in?"
"I'll get you a key."
*****
He'd kept it. I remember when I came back that he wanted to give it back, but I told him to hand onto it. Just in case.
"She never asked for it back," Jack was saying. "I forgot I had it until…"
Huh?
He offered it…
No, he's right. I didn't ask. He didn't offer. He just… had it.
My memory isn't what it used to be.
*****
I followed Jack out of the room.
"That was hell, Sam," he whispered to himself, but I knew he was talking to me.
'I know,' I replied to no one.
"The things I do for you. I hope you appreciate it."
I do, and I showed it in the only way I could. When he stopped at the lift, I stepped into him. I stayed there for a moment, then stepped back.
"That was cold, Sam," he laughed softly.
At least he was laughing.
****
I waited until Jack got in before yelling at him. It was the only way I could finally talk to him.
"Hey," I then said in a much calmer voice.
"Hey," he replied. "Do you have any idea how much I want to hold you right about now?"
"I think I do," I smiled.
"Who…?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said sadly. "I wish to God I did. I don't remember anything… I've got so many holes in my mind that…"
"Sam," he breathed.
Breathed. That soft sound that I went weak at the knees. Well, I would have if I had actual knees.
"I just… woke up and I was… Well, I guess I didn't actually wake up!" I half laughed. Joking about your own death is macabre.
"Sam…"
He moved right up to me. Up close so he was almost on top of me. Almost in me given how things are.
"When I heard…" he started.
"I saw, I was there."
I don't know why I told him that. Jack O'Neill's big moment of weakness, and I had been there for it. He hadn't known it then.
"I'm so sorry," he said after one of those forever pauses.
"What for?"
"For… not being there to protect you. For not finding who the bastard is who did this."
He stopped, took a deep breath, and I knew what was coming next.
"For not telling you that…"
"Don't," I said firmly.
"Why not?"
Nice one, Sam. You've just hurt the man you love.
"Because… There are bigger things at the moment than what was said and what wasn't. They'll be time… later."
"Later?" he asked. "What later? After your funeral?"
He wasn't yelling. He was doing a very good job of not yelling, but it was close.
"Jack…"
"Just. Go."
He said it firmly, and I knew he meant it.
"Fine," I snapped.
I thought of somewhere. Anywhere but here. As I left, I heard the start of what I hadn't wanted to hear.
"I lov…"
*****
Somewhere else. But not here.
The boyfriend.
My boyfriend.
What was his name?
"Shit!" I heard him exclaim. He was reading the paper.
'US Air Force Major killed'
Ah. No one had told him.
"Nice to know they thought about you, David," he muttered.
David. That was it.
*****
I was too mad at Jack to go back to him. So I stayed with David. Now I remember why I started to see him in the first place. He's sweet, funny, and from what I do remember from the one (and fairly drunk time) the sex wasn't too bad.
But he wasn't Jack.
"Yes?" I heard him say.
I hadn't even heard the knock at the door. I didn't hear what whoever it was said, but the next thing I know, he's leading in Colonel Satan, and I know what's about to happen.
"I understand you were seeing Major Carter?" Satan said.
"Nice of you guys to let me know she's dead," David snapped.
'Go, David!' I yelled.
"An oversight," Satan replied. "Where were you the night she died?"
"You don't think I did it?" he asked.
'Uh oh…'
"What I think, sir, is not your business," Satan replied sharply.
"It wasn't me," David said.
"And you can prove that?"
"I…"
Suddenly I was jolted out of there so fast that it hurt.
*****
How can it hurt?
I'm dead.
(c) Jen
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