Title: Life of the Living Dead, Part 5
Author: Jen
E-Mail: angel_812000@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Content/warnings: Character Death, rape, murder
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Summary: a murder story with a twist
Life of the Living Dead, Part 5
"What?" Satan demanded.
Have I mentioned how much I love this guy?
"The skin found under Carter's nails. It won't be mine," Jack said.
"Confident," Satan replied.
"Of course I am, I didn't kill her! Test it."
"We will."
*****
Now this was weird. I've solved my murder. I know who killed me. Why am I still here?
Maybe Johnson has to die like in that movie 'Ghost'.
Sounds good.
Then there's this Zatarc thing.
Maybe Johnson's a Zatarc. I don't think that someone who works at the SGC could…
But stranger things have happened.
*****
I've spent so long following Jack around, that I wanted something new.
I decided that I'd shadow the first person who walked past, and Daniel happily obliged.
Something struck me; what exactly does Daniel do when he's not researching some artefact? I was about to find out…
*****
Daniel's lab was a mess. There were several tablets across the table that I haven't seen before. He must have picked them up on the last trip.
As with everything that Daniel loves, it was covered in hieroglyphs and other markings. Daniel had taught me a few of them, he was going to teach me more but…
The odd ones that I was able to read said;
Death
Life
Regained
Doesn't take a genius to work it out. Even Jack could have figured it out.
He was looking into a way to bring me back.
*****
Did I want to be brought back? I had gotten used to being dead. Everyone was dealing with it, or so I thought.
Jack hadn't, because in his mind, I was still around.
Teal'c was his usual stoic self.
And Daniel… I never realised how much he cared about me.
I was touched that he was doing this, but… Something wasn't right. I felt like my life wasn't meant to be returned.
When the Nox brought me back, I remember how pleased I was. Who wants to be dead?
Stupid question.
I think I do.
I wish things had been different. I wish I'd lived long enough to have my baby. A part of me still out in the world. I wish Jack and I could have sat down and sorted something out.
I wish a lot of things, but at the moment, I'm cold, dead, and buried.
And despite everything, I think this is how things were supposed to be.
*****
I felt Jack calling to me. He needed me.
For the first time since it happened, I didn't know what to do. Yesterday (if that's what it was) I would have been at his side in a heartbeat.
But I don't have one of those.
He had to learn to live without me.
The seventh and final time I spoke to him, would be to say goodbye to everyone, and to ask Daniel to stop.
Jack was still calling.
I had to go.
*****
He wasn't in a cell.
Johnson was.
He was in the chair, being tested.
They believed him.
"Sam?" Jack whispered softly, so that no one heard him.
I touched his hand to let him know that I was there.
"It was him," he said.
The DNA had matched.
*****
Anise was testing him. Bad memories of that.
That was when I found out how Jack felt about me.
*****
"Because I care about her. A lot more than I'm supposed to."
*****
"What happened on P2X-462?" Anise asked.
"We went through the gate, and passed out," Johnson said.
"Then what?"
"When we woke up, we left."
"He's lying," Jack said.
"Not lying," Anise said. "He doesn't remember."
"Why not?" General Hammond asked. "They were unconscious."
"The procedure to plant a suggestion in the unconscious cannot be done in the field," Anise explained.
"He would have to have been taken elsewhere," Janet realised.
"And when he did, he woke up," Hammond finished.
*****
“I… I’m sorry,” Johnson said.
God, he looked so pathetic.
“We know, son,” Hammond said.
“He’s sorry?” Jack said. “He killed her. He raped her!”
“I… I don’t know… why I would have… I liked her… I respect her… respected her…” Johnson muttered.
“We assume that the programming forced Johnson to…” Anise trailed off.
Even for a Tok’ra, she has tact.
The Goa’uld wanted it to look like someone from Earth had done it.
Nothing to do with them. Smart.
If the SGC even thought that they had turned one of their own against me then they’d stop at nothing to get them.
Now they knew.
Every Goa’uld was about to learn what wrath really was.
*****
I felt sick, watching Johnson plead that he didn’t know, that he was sorry.
Didn’t take away what he did to me.
Didn’t make a difference.
*****
"So, what now?" Jack asked.
"Now we charge Johnson," Satan said.
"Can we charge him for something he had no control over?" asked his side-kick.
"I meant, with me," Jack quipped.
"Well… Given the evidence…" Satan started.
"Something like 'I'm sorry' would be acceptable."
Satan just glowered.
I touched Jack's hand just the once, before I left.
I felt like I didn't belong there.
*****
For the next few days, I kept a low profile. I didn't let Jack know that I was there. He had to let go.
I had to let go.
*****
Ever since I died, there's been this nagging doubt at the back of my mind. Things seemed… wrong. Not just with adjusting to being dead, but with other things.
There are so many holes in my mind. I can't remember the simplest things. Anything really before my death. I remember a few hours before Johnson turned up, but that was mundane stuff. Ordering the pizza, reading, stuff like that.
I remember things when prompted. Like when Janet mentioned the baby, I knew what had happened. It felt like someone had dropped it in my head from a height.
Like I wasn't supposed to know about it.
Or I wasn't meant to know about it.
I feel like my life, not my death, but my living life, was constructed by someone.
And anyway, if Daniel suspected the Goa'uld has put a 'hit' out on me, why didn't they do something?
Hammond seemed…
*****
"They put a hit out on her," Daniel translated.
"I fail to see how…" General Hammond started, but Daniel jumped in.
"One of us did it."
*****
Now call me crazy (and people have) but you'd think that Hammond would have been a bit more annoyed that someone was out to kill me.
Something wasn't right.
And I was about to get a Jack-sized headache.
*****
"Unauthorised off world activation!"
Whatever cosmic force was pulling me about was going to get an earful when I finally met them. I was sick of this. It took me long enough to get control over what I was doing, and to have something change that…
"Not receiving an IDC," I heard someone say.
There was nothing different about this. It had happened before. So why…?
Then the power started to go. That only happened when the Asgard turned up. I watched the SFs run in and take up position. Standing by the rail, I looked from them to the 'gate with the iris still in place.
"What's going on?" Jack asked as he turned up. "Thor paying a visit?"
"We don't know," Hammond replied.
As it turned out, Thor was paying a visit.
And so was I.
"What the…?"
I don't know who said that, but if they hadn't, I would have done.
I'm here. I'm dead, but I'm here. I'm standing at the bottom of the ramp, looking up at Thor standing next to a very alive, and very real, me.
*****
"Would someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?"
I love it when Jack gets like this; the fine line between frustrated and angry.
The eight of us were in the Conference Room. Hammond, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, Jack, Thor, me, and… the other me.
The other me was alive.
The other me was me.
"I don't know how, but she is Sam Carter," Janet explained. "Right down to the molecular level."
"Then who did we… Who did we bury?" Jack asked.
"A copy," Thor said.
I'm a copy?
"We learnt of the threat against Major Carter's life a few weeks ago," Hammond said. "While we were discussing what to do about it, we were approached by the Asgard."
"We were watching the Goa'uld who programmed Johnson, and knew this was our chance to infiltrate their network," Thor said.
About this time, Jack sank into a chair. Daniel had started the meeting sat down, Teal'c didn't need to. I stood at one end, watching me at the other, listening to what was said.
They knew I was going to be killed.
The easiest way to get at the Goa'uld would be to let Johnson complete his mission, then follow him back. He had apparently been programmed to return where they would have tortured him for information about the SGC.
Hammond knew all about it.
Explains why he wasn't that upset.
"Let me get this straight," Jack said quietly. "You knew Sam was going to be killed. You didn't let any of us in on the plan, put us through hell, put ME through hell! I got arrested!"
"I'm sorry, sir," the other me said. "But until you pointed the investigation towards Johnson, we didn't know who had been programmed."
"You thought it could have been me?" I didn't know if he was hurt or angry. Probably both.
"We just didn't know, son," Hammond said.
"Don't you 'son' me," Jack snapped. "I don't believe this. Do you have ANY idea what I've been going through…?"
"I know it's been hard…"
"Hard? Trying to read Carter's books is hard. This has been impossible."
With that, he got up and left.
Angry.
Definitely angry.
"So everything that has happened since you… she died, has been planned?" Daniel asked.
"Almost. I didn't plan on getting O'Neill arrested," the other me said.
'I bet you didn't!' I yelled at her. 'Do you have any idea…?'
But they didn't hear me, and carried on talking.
*****
This is the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm not real. I never was. They copied her, made her into me. Gave me enough of her memories so that should anyone call round, then I'd be OK.
That's why I didn't know anything.
They didn't know who the Zatarc was until I remembered seeing Johnson.
~~You are a mistake~~ I heard Jolinar say.
'I know.'
~~You were not meant to live. You were not meant to have a soul~~
'I know.'
~~What is done is done. You must finish what you started~~
'How?'
~~Let go of everything that is keeping you here~~
*****
I had to say goodbye.
*****
I found it harder to get angry this time so I could talk to Jack. He'd holed himself up in his office.
"I'll make this quick," I said as I appeared.
"I feel like someone's playing mind games."
"You do? How do you think I feel? I'm not even real!"
"You are to me."
"No, she's real to you. She's always been real to you. Tell me you're not happy."
"I am, but…"
"She did it for you. What if you had been the Zatarc?"
"I would never hurt her," he said firmly. "I love her."
"So did Martouf in his own way."
"How much of you is her?" he asked.
"From what Thor said, all of me."
"Even the baby?"
"Yes," I said softly.
We just looked at each other for a moment, speaking more than we could with words.
"I have to go," I said.
"Where?"
"I don't know. But I don't belong here. I never did."
"I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. That woman out there loves you, more than she could ever put into words. And she's carrying your baby."
"I know…"
Another pause.
When do I leave a conversation like this? Do I wait until my time runs out, and leave it at that, or do I make a conscious effort to go?
"I feel like I've been cheated," Jack said.
"How?"
"I thought you were her. I thought you were dead."
"So did I."
I guess it's a matter of perspectives. I can't be dead, as I wasn't really alive.
"Goodbye, Jack," I said.
"Goodbye, Sam."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"No, you don't," I said. "You love her. Just how it should be."
*****
For weeks I have been something I'm not.
I'm sorry.
*****
Jack couldn't see me, but I was there when Sam, the real Sam, turned up.
*****
~~~~~~~~~
Sam's POV
~~~~~~~~~
This was hard. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it was the only way. Otherwise I'd be dead for real.
"Can we talk, sir?" I asked, knocking slightly on the open door.
"Sure," he said.
I walked in, and shut it behind me.
"Something wrong, Carter?"
"I thought I heard you talking to someone."
"I was."
"Who?" I asked before I could stop myself.
"You."
He told me about my 'ghost', and I felt numb. That was something we hadn't planned on. How can a copy have a soul?
"She was the one who figured out it was Johnson, not me," he finished.
"I… didn't know. I'm sorry." It was all I could think of to say.
"Me too."
"I wanted to tell you," I said quickly. "Hammond said…"
"Carter, maybe it's best we don't do this. You should rest."
"I feel fine."
"What's happened here is huge. We all need to rest."
"I've been doing nothing but! I've wanted to see you, speak to you for so long…"
"Carter!" he snapped. "Get some rest."
"Why?" I wasn't shifting. We needed to talk about this. We'd spent too long not talking about things.
"The baby."
"What baby?"
"Yours. Ours."
Huh?
"You… the other you, was pregnant. Five weeks gone then. Fraiser said it was an exact copy of you…"
"I'm three months pregnant?"
I couldn't help but laugh softly. Occasions where the father has found out before the mother are few and far between.
"Fraiser didn't say?"
"No."
"I guess she thought you already knew."
"Who else knows?" I asked.
"Everyone. That's the main reason I got arrested. You were, are, were carrying my baby, and seeing someone else."
"David."
"Thinks you're dead. So does everyone."
I closed my eyes briefly. This was going to be fun to sort out.
"Be an interesting phone call," he said.
"I could visit. Technically, I'm no longer in the Air Force. I'm dead."
"I'm sure Hammond will set them straight."
"I asked him not to do anything until tomorrow."
"Why?"
"Because we needed to talk first."
"About what?"
"Everything."
"It can wait."
"No, it can't, Jack!" I snapped.
Jack.
That sounded good.
"I've missed you," I said.
"I've missed you too… When…"
Three feet could have been three hundred for how it felt.
*****
This was going to take some sorting out.
But what other choice did I have? If I hadn't done what Thor suggested, then I would be dead for real. The Asgard may have lost their chance to follow Johnson back to whomever programmed him, but we still won.
Won the battle.
The war is still going on. Jack and I were the casualties.
Being thousands of miles away from the people you care about is the worst form of hell going. I didn't know anything; Hammond had told Thor that if I knew, I would have wanted to talk to them, send a message, do something.
And he was right.
I felt like I was dead.
Jack later told me everything that had happened with my ghost, and how it was hell and relief at the same time.
I wish I knew what happened to her.
She was real. For a while, she was real. I like to think that she’s happy now. Ascended. I’m not sure if heaven’s the right word.
Life is nothing but a series of questions and problems.
Death, real or otherwise, doesn't give you the answers.
Won't stop us looking.
Or hoping.
We're all the living dead, just waiting for that time.
(c) Jen
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