I was raped and murdered in my own home by someone in an AF uniform, maybe a member of the SGC.
Thanks to off-world intervention, I was pregnant with Jack's child.
I was asked out by a member of SG-4.
I had a boyfriend, David, who I didn't love.
And the man I do love has been arrested for my murder.
*****
I couldn't stay with him. I tried, but there was something keeping me away from him. Every time I tried to focus on him something kept pushing me to the briefing room.
I was getting more than a little annoyed until I saw what was going on.
"General," Daniel was saying, "this is very real."
"What is it you're saying exactly?"
"That Sam's death was planned."
"From our observations, it would seem that the Goa'uld wanted Major Carter dead," Teal'c added.
"They put a hit out on her," Daniel translated.
'You think?' I mocked.
"Remember a few years ago, the Zatarc plot? The Tok’ra believe that the same thing is happening again.”
"I fail to see how…" General Hammond started, but Daniel jumped in.
"One of us did it."
Everyone stopped at that point.
"Excuse me?" General Hammond asked. "Are you saying that a member of the SGC is a Zatarc?"
"It would appear so," Teal'c said.
“The Tok’ra infiltrated a Goa’uld stronghold, and had access to some of their files. It clearly showed that they were planning Sam’s death.”
Nice of Daniel to phrase it like that.
“They make specific mentions to Zatarc, and SGC,” Daniel said, pulling up the files on the viewscreen, and highlighting certain parts of the text.
"Can we arrange testing with the Tok'ra?" Hammond asked.
"Ah…" Daniel said. I don't like that sound.
"From our intelligence, it would appear that whomever the Zatarc is, they were programmed on P2X-462," Teal'c said.
OK, filler info here. SG-1, 3, 4 and 5 went to P2X-462, and passed out as soon as we went through the gate. The swamp gasses contained chloroform. The MALP didn't detect it, as the phenomena was activated by our presence.
We slept for six hours.
Plenty of time for Goa'uld programming.
Great.
*****
I finally got to see Jack, but he was asleep. They'd put him in some standard cell with little more than a bed.
This was wrong.
Jack couldn't hurt me.
But he was there. He could be…
It's not like I could get an answer from Anise. Because everyone was unconscious, they wouldn't have false memories.
'I'm so sorry, Jack,' I whispered, before trying to kiss him gently on the forehead.
*****
Suddenly I was seeing everyone as a suspect.
*****
I had to get out of there. I had to just get away from the mess that is my death.
I used to walk down those corridors, say hi to people that I knew, and not think anything of it.
Now, I walk down them, and think 'did you kill me?'.
*****
It had been so long since I'd seen Mark. He couldn't make it to the funeral (I heard Dad saying), so I decided to see if this thing works over long distances.
*****
I arrived, in one piece, in his back yard. The weather was unusually good. Is San Diego on another planet? The kids were playing with some of their friends. Mark and Carol were watching them.
He was cooking on the BBQ. Since when does Mark cook?
They seemed happy. Well, Mark didn't. He looked upset, but then I'd just died.
But overall, they were happy.
*****
I want this.
I wanted this.
Me, husband, kids. House on the edge of town. Big garden. BBQ pit.
I want this.
*****
~~Why do you miss life?~~
The first time Jolinar spoke to me, I was a little shocked.
The second time… I was still shocked.
Now I know how Jack feels when I appear out of nowhere.
'I don't know,' I lied.
~~Tell me~~
'I know what I've lost. All the things I could have had, could have done…'
~~Why not accept that you can't. You cannot return from the dead~~
'The Nox can,' I pointed out.
~~You are dead and buried. Why do you cling to life?~~
'I'm not clinging…'
~~Then why are you here?~~
'I thought this is what happens.' I said, confused.
~~When you die, you ascend. You do not hang around~~
'I have to solve my murder.'
~~Those left behind must solve it~~
'Then why am I here?' I asked.
Jack was right. Talking to the Tok'ra is impossible.
~~A mistake?~~
It was a question. Jolinar had phrased it as a question, but it didn't sound like one.
Was all this a mistake?
Mistake made by whom?
*****
I want this life.
*****
Nice to know that your existence is a mistake.
Jolinar had all but told me that I shouldn't be here. I should be in heaven, or hell, or reincarnated.
I don't know what should happen to me.
I've not been dead before. Not the real-big-time-for-good dead anyway.
*****
"Sam!"
*****
That was unnerving.
I've not heard anyone calling out for me before. Not after…
He needed me.
*****
I left Mark to his happy life, and returned to the SGC.
Jack was stuck in the interrogation room with Colonel Satan and his henchman. I knew he couldn't have called for me out loud.
In some ways, I think this link between us is getting stronger.
But it can't last. This is a mistake, and he needs to move on. If he goes on for the rest of his life with this ghostly me by his said, he's never going to deal with it.
He has to.
I know he loves me. I know he wants me. And I know that he doesn't want to let me go.
I'm giving him the chance that he didn't get with Charlie. He had to let him go. He doesn't have to let me go.
*****
"How many times do I have to say it?" Jack all but yelled.
"Until I believe you," Satan replied.
"I didn't touch her! I wouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I love her!" he yelled.
'Yes!' I said, punching the air. On record, Jack O'Neill loves me.
"What if you didn't know what you were doing?" Satan asked.
"What?"
Jack doesn’t know about the Zatarc plot.
"No way," Jack said after Satan told him. "I am not one of those Zodiac things. We've been through this. I was cleared."
*****
For two hours they went over the same ground. Jack denying everything, Satan refusing to believe him.
Then it happened.
"Colonel Jack O'Neill, I am charging you with the rape and murder of Major Samantha Carter."
I want to kill him.
Jack wouldn't have hurt me. Not ever.
He is not a Zatarc. I just… I know it.
Don't I?
*****
Everything is going wrong.
What I thought I believed in, isn't true.
What I thought I could count on, I can't.
What I thought I am, I'm not.
It's a wonder I haven't got a headache.
*****
Every part of me is screaming that Jack is innocent, but it doesn't look that way.
I'm in too deep. Too close to Jack.
I shouldn't be here. I should have gone… somewhere. But I didn't.
*****
Jack was stuck in a cell, and I figured there was a part of me out there stuck in a box forever, and I wanted to think.
Walking round the SGC, I went over everything that I knew.
I knew my killer. He worked here, I'm sure of it.
He's probably a Zatarc, which scares the life out of me. Huh. Life.
Everything points to Jack, which terrifies me. I was carrying his kid, I was in love with him.
*****
I hated the food in the Commissary when I could eat, so why did I end up there? Focussing hard, I sat down at a table in the corner. Out of the way. I hate people walking through me.
Except Jack.
I don't know what's worse. Thinking that Jack killed me, or Jack thinking that he killed me.
*****
Hours passed.
I hate that phrase. It's along the same lines of those stupid captions that flash up at the movies. "Three months later". Can't they put in some dialogue that tells us that? I feel like I'm being treated like I'm stupid.
Anyway, I was still sat there when he walked in.
I'm dead, I can't feel anything, but when I saw him, I felt like the pit of my stomach had flipped.
That was him.
The guy who asked me out.
Johnson.
SG-4.
*****
I was back at the house. My house.
I was eating pizza.
There was the knock at the door.
"Sorry to bother you at home, Major," he said.
"No problem, Johnson," I said. "What is it?"
"Don't know," he said. "General Hammond wants you back at the base."
"OK, come in. I'll just get changed."
"You look fine," he smiled.
"I am not going to SGC dressed in a shirt I've had for years and a pair of jogging bottoms!" I laughed.
I went into my bedroom, and he followed me, grabbing a knife on the way.
*****
I felt sick. Properly sick.
And so I found myself in the toilets again.
That was him.
*****
He was right here. Right here, all the time, under our noses.
I knew him, but I didn't know him. I'd never worked with him before. Seen him around a few times.
Why?…
*****
"Jack! Jack, wake up!"
Except he didn't. Apparently, he's a heavy sleeper.
"Hey! This is important, and I don't have a lot of time!"
"Hmmm?" he muttered as he woke up.
"Jack!"
"Go away…"
"I know who killed me!"
He woke up pretty quickly after I said that.
*****
I told him everything, about Johnson, what I remembered, what I was remembering.
Death was doing stupid things to my brain. It was like I hadn't actually remembered anything.
He sat there, listened, asked the right questions.
"You're sure?" he asked.
"I'm sure. It's him. As soon as I saw him, I remembered. Everything. He…"
Again, I started with the whole emotional-crying thing. This wasn't me. Sometimes I think that I'm not me.
"I can't do anything about it. I'm in here, Sam, he's out there. It's my word against his."
*****
I'm in my house, in my room, watching...
I was trying to push him off. But he wouldn't get off me.
I always thought I was stronger than this.
I felt the knife in my stomach. Shock took away most of the pain, but I still felt it.
Then my throat. It's like drinking warm soup, but you know it's not. And at that point, you know it's all over.
I was reaching out for him.
His shirt got ripped and I…
*****
"I scratched him. Deeply. Across the back," I said.
"They found some skin under… your nails," Jack said, trailing off.
"Get them to do a DNA analysis."
"Sam?"
"What?"
"How am I supposed to explain this?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Am I supposed to go out there and say, 'Hey, Satan, Sam's ghost has been speaking to me, and she's remembered something that clears me, and puts someone else in the frame.' He's gonna think I'm nuts."
"You are," I quip. "I have to go. It's time…"
"This is number six, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"You've only got…"
"One more."
"Save it. Use it when you have to. I'll do what I have to here."