Title: Life of the Living Dead, Part 3
Author: Jen
E-Mail: angel_812000@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Content/warnings: Character Death, rape, murder
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Summary: a murder story with a twist
Life of the Living Dead, Part 3
"Jack?"
I knew he could hear me. He didn't look round.
"Jack, please," I begged.
When he finally looked up, I could see he'd been drinking. And he could see I've been crying.
"Sam? What's happened?"
"I don't know. I just… I was round David's, and all of a sudden…"
"David?"
"My…"
"Boyfriend," he finished.
"Colonel Satan came round, and they were talking…"
"Colonel Satan?" he half laughed. "Appropriate."
"I thought so too," I said. Concentrating, I sat down on the sofa beside him.
"What happened?"
"Satan was talking to him about… You know… Anyway, all of a sudden I felt this huge pain, and it was like I was ripped out of there."
"Sam…"
"I mean, it hurt. Really hurt. I'm dead, Jack. How can it hurt? I can't feel anything."
"Nothing?" he asked.
"Nothing I didn't already feel."
"Sam…"
"Don't say it," I said again. "Please. It won't help. Nothing can change how things are…"
Jack looked from me to the table.
"I thought that… I miss you," he said.
The bottle of tablets were still beside the whiskey bottle, unopened, untouched.
"But I couldn't," he said.
"Good," I whispered. "I need you alive. I need you well because I love you too much to watch you die. God, Jack, that's something you don't want to experience. Not yet. It's…"
"What?" he asked.
"It's too painful."
"Pain," he said softly.
"That was it. When Satan mentioned it… Talking to David… The pain, that's what I felt. When I died. It hurt so much…"
"You mean… when you were with David, you felt…"
"What I felt when I died."
"Sam, that's it!" he said. Jumping to his feet, he looked round, and I knew that he couldn't see me anymore.
But it didn't matter. Now I knew that David was connected to my death.
*****
I lied.
I said being at your own memorial was weird.
Being at your funeral is… weirder.
Everyone was there. And I mean everyone. Big AF thing. Not been to too many military funerals, and I always considered that to be a good thing.
I wondered if things would be different, or if I would feel different afterwards.
*****
When everyone was gathered round the graveside, I walked between them, looking at their reactions.
Dad was in pieces.
Daniel was doing the I'm-going-to-pretend-that-I'm-OK thing.
General Hammond was doing the stoic thing. I never could tell what he was feeling.
Teal'c, was Teal'c.
Janet and Cassie were crying.
But Jack…
He was surprising everyone but me.
The only reason he wasn't breaking down was because he knew I was there. I didn't say anything, or do anything, but he knew.
*****
There was the wake afterwards, just for those closest to me. Thanks to the job, there were only a handful of people who weren't military.
Never noticed that before.
I have no life outside the SGC.
I have no life, period.
Sorry.
Dead humour.
David wasn't there. I wasn't surprised. I didn't want him there anyway.
Now, I love these guys to death (and beyond). So I'm not going to embarrass them by telling you exactly they said. Dad's was the kind of speech that fathers give to embarrass their kids.
General Hammond did the service thing. Defined most of my life. Nice.
Then Jack. This you have to know.
*****
"OK, so it's no big secret anymore. You don't spend six years working together, and not feeling something.
"I just wish I'd told her."
He knew. I knew.
Is it wrong to laugh at the eulogies?
"There's nothing that any of us can say that can… sort this mess out. So, no words. Just actions. We're going to do this. For Carter. For Sam.
"Because, if we don't, I have a feeling she's gonna come back and get revenge."
Smiles all round.
He knew, I knew.
This is sweet.
'Not your best, Jack, but it'll do.'
*****
There was another little thing in the Gateroom for me. Just Jack, Daniel and Teal'c. They each put something in a box and sent it through the 'gate to the Tok'ra. General Hammond had given them my tags.
Jack pocketed them.
I was the only one who saw it.
*****
"Hey."
We'd gotten past the I'm-going-to-appear-out-of-thin-air thing.
"It's great to see you," he said.
"I know," I smiled.
"No, I mean it's really good. Today was…"
"Hell," I finished.
"There's too much… I'm getting one of my headaches again."
I smiled. His sense of humour hadn't changed.
"Can we… just… talk?" he asked.
"What about?" I asked, sitting beside him.
"I hardly know you, do I? Today Jacob was talking about you, and…"
"What do you want to know?" I asked. Time is precious when you're dead. Strange but true.
"How long have you been seeing David?"
"Just a few dates. Nothing big. It's funny. Years of nothing, then everything at once," I laughed.
"Everything?"
"Us, if you can call it that, David, and… I can't remember his name but…"
"What?"
"There was this guy. I know him, seen him around. I don't know if he works at the base but…"
"But what?"
"He asked me out."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Have you been taking lessons from Teal'c?" I asked.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"I wish…"
"I know. Death isn't… It's not fun," I said. "It's…"
*****
I was back in my house. I haven't been here since they took my body away.
'What the…?' I asked.
I expected it to be cold and empty. Except it wasn't. I still lived here. I mean…
I was there. I was alive. And I was watching myself eat the pizza I'd eaten the day I…
What was I doing here? I want to talk to Jack. I want to go back. I want to be with Jack.
As with him as I can be.
'Jack!' I screamed at the walls as there was a knock at the door.
This was it. This was when my killer turned up…
*****
I was holding my breath when I opened the door.
Two things were wrong with that.
I don't have any breath to hold.
I'm watching MYSELF. Being dead adds whole new levels of weirdness.
Then I started feeling like I was living in a flashback world.
I opened the door, said hi to whoever…
Then I was in my room, putting my uniform on…
Then he was pushing me back…
Holding me down…
The knife…
I want to see his face.
He…
Shit.
He's wearing an AF uniform.
I know him.
I work with him…
*****
"Sam?"
Jack's voice is emotional.
"Sam? What just happened?"
What just happened is that I’ve been pulled back to Jack’s just as fast as I was pulled out.
"I… I was there."
"Where?"
"Home," I said. "I was there."
"Be dusty. Cold."
"No," I said, my voice shaking as much as I was.
(Shaking? Again, I'm dead. Something's not right.)
"Then what?" he asked.
"The night I… When he…"
He didn't say anything. I don't think he could.
"I saw him. Not who is he was. Not his face. But he…"
"What?"
"He's Air Force. I know him. And I know I've worked with him."
*****
I wanted Jack to hold me. I felt like I needed to be held. But all I could do was hug myself.
"Sam?" Jack asked.
I knew that I'd done a disappearing act on him again. Four down, three to go, but I needed to talk to him.
"I…"
I couldn't get the words out.
"Talk to me. Please," he begged.
"Why?"
"Because I feel guilty. We never talked… Not about…"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"If I… If… The baby. Would we have been OK?"
"I… I don't know," he sighed. "I know how I feel now, but…"
"But I'm dead."
"I feel like I've lost a kid all over again."
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault."
"I should have made him wait outside."
"You knew him."
"I know him. I can see him, but I can't see his face. This isn't fair…"
I broke down right there in front of him, and I didn't care.
*****
Jack needed sleep, and he finally admitted that at about four in the morning. By then I'd been long gone on him, but he knew I was there. He talked, I listened.
Stuff about Sara.
Charlie.
The Stargate.
Me.
Lots of stuff about me, but lots more about Charlie. He admitted that he's starting to forget some stuff. The little things mainly.
And he's terrified that it'll happen with me.
I don't what's going to happen. With me.
Am I going to live this life of the living dead forever? Or is it more like the movie 'Ghost' where I'll solve the mystery, and it'll be bright lights, and singing, and there will be this final scene between me and Jack before I go off to heaven.
Assuming I don't go to hell.
Pre-marital sex. Killing. Lots of big no-nos.
But I'm sure saving the world several times over will count in my favour.
*****
I never liked Ghost.
I don't want that ending.
I don't want this to end.
In some way, I'm happy, watching Jack sleep. Knowing he's peaceful because he knows I'm here.
I love him.
I don't want him to be alone.
*****
Time is a funny thing when you're dead. I don't need to sleep, but there are times when I'm not around. Like I'm asleep. I don't know where I go, or what happens to me, but one minute I'm watching Jack sleep, the next, it's morning.
Sometimes I feel like I was there, but I can't remember any of it.
*****
"OK… Yes… What?… You can't be serious… No… No… You sure?… OK… Yes…"
He threw the phone down, almost in disgust.
"Sam?" he called. I touched his hand to let him know that I was there. "They let him go. David. He's got an alibi."
I was stunned.
I was sure he was involved. Somehow.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Jack whispered. To begin with, I thought that he hadn't said anything, that it was just my mind playing tricks.
But when I looked at him, I knew he'd said it.
*****
Today was, in principle, another day.
But to so many people it was The Day After We Buried Sam. There was still this air of misery and grief, and even I could feel it.
I felt like a lapdog, following Jack around the SGC. This is not me. This was not me. I hate this kind of thing, hanging off someone.
But it's all I can do.
*****
After lunch, Jack went off-world with Daniel and Teal'c. I wasn't going to risk something happening to me if I went through the 'gate. The wormhole works on a basis of matter deconstruction and reconstruction, and I wasn't exactly made out of matter.
When he left, I realised that there was little that I could do. So I took to walking round the base, looking at everyone's face.
He was here.
I knew he was.
And I'd find him.
Last night, after watching Jack and musing about that stupid film, I realised something.
No matter how much I want to stay, or if Jack wants me to stay, I can't.
I have to solve this, because of I don't, the people that I love more than anything won't have any closure. They need to find the man who did this, and if I care about them, then I have to do this.
He'd have to learn to live without me.
*****
I spent a day searching for someone I wasn't sure was even real.
*****
Colonel Satan turned up. He knows how to ruin my death.
*****
As soon as Jack returned, he was hauled off.
I followed.
Lapdog.
*****
This is not good.
"What the hell are you on about?" Jack demanded.
"Major Carter…" he continued. "You were close, weren't you?"
"Yes…"
"I read the report, and I quote, 'I care about her, more than I'm supposed to'. Love her, did you?"
'That's none of your business!' I yelled, but I wanted to know then answer.
"Doesn't matter now," he replied.
'Cheat,' I scowled. I wanted to know.
"How did you feel when you discovered she was dating someone?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Hurt? Angry?"
"Happy. For her," he added.
'Liar,' I said.
"Funny, Dr Jackson seems to think that you became 'noticeably depressed' about it."
'I'll kill you, Daniel.'
"Why would I have any reason to be depressed?" Jack asked.
"Would you consider Major Carter popular with members of the opposite sex?" he asked.
"I wouldn't say she was unpopular."
"In addition to the boyfriend, did you know she'd been approached by a member of SG-4?"
"No," Jack replied.
SG-4?
"See, he's now got a black eye. Won't say how he got it. Would I be wrong in assuming…"
"Yes!" Jack yelled.
'Yes!' I yelled at the same time.
I couldn't believe my ears. Jack would never have hurt me. He couldn't. As for anyone else, it wasn't how he was.
"I believe that you discovered Major Carter was carrying your child, and you wanted to be a part of its life. Her life. What did she do? Threaten to abort it? To save her career? Maybe she wanted to do it to save you from a court martial. After losing Charlie…"
'Hey!' I yelled.
"Don't you dare bring him into this," Jack growled.
"Took it a bit too far. Did you just mean to scare her? Prove to her that you loved her and could look after her?"
"I didn't do anything," Jack said softly.
"O'Neill, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the rape and murder of Samantha Carter," he finished with.
*****
Jack didn't hurt me. I know he didn't.
If I had known about the baby I would have wanted it. Raised it with Jack.
Our baby.
(c) Jen
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