Title: Life of the Living Dead, Part 1
Author: Jen
E-Mail: angel_812000@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Content/warnings: Character Death, rape, murder
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Summary: a murder story with a twist
Life of the Living Dead, Part 1
I don't know where I'm supposed to start. There's so much I want to tell you. If I tell you, then you'll know and I won't have to remember. There are so many holes in my mind as it is…
My name is Samantha Carter, and I'm dead.
*****
It took me a while to get used to that myself. Being dead isn't something that you can accept easily. One morning I woke up, I walked into my bathroom, and found that I didn't have a reflection. Still half asleep, I went back into my room, and then I saw what I had 'woken' up from.
I was still on my bed. I hadn't undressed, well, not completely. Someone had undressed me, the lower half of me, ripped open my shirt…
They had also slit my throat. There was blood everywhere. My blood.
I knew I was dead. I knew this was real, and not some dream. This was extremely real, and I was extremely dead. Someone had raped me, and killed me. When I got closer to my body, I saw that there were other wounds; he'd stabbed me twice in the chest, once in my stomach. If slitting my throat hadn't killed me, those wounds would have done.
I wouldn't have thought it possible, but seeing my body in such a state made me feel sick. I wanted to run to the toilet and retch, but I couldn't. I couldn't run. I'm dead. Dead people don't run, they just lay there.
But I wanted the toilet, and suddenly I was there. It took me a while to figure out why, but I can move myself with my mind.
But I was still dead, and I needed to do something about that.
What, I don't know. I couldn't pick up anything, move anything, do anything.
Luck was on my side, although it was obviously a bit late. It was Friday morning, and I had four days down time planned. Janet, Cassie and I were going to go away to a log cabin in the middle of nowhere, and be away from anything technological or off-worldly.
She was supposed to be picking me up…
"Sam?"
…now.
A moment ago, I was wondering how I would get someone to find me. Now I didn't want Janet to see me like this. But I couldn't stop her.
"You awake?" she called. "Your front door was open."
I could hear her walking towards my room.
'Janet!' I called out. I could hear my own voice, but she couldn't.
"Sam?"
She knocked softly on my door, then it opened.
She didn't scream, just gasped, swallowed hard, then collapsed to the floor. Kneeling in the doorway, she just looked at me, and the other me looked at her. I could see the tears swelling up in her eyes, and I knew her brain was working overtime on what she should do next.
"Mom?"
I heard Cassie's voice, and Janet jumped into gear the same time I did. She ran out of my room, slamming the door shut so Cassie wouldn't see me. She obviously told her, because I could hear Cassie's screams and desperate cries.
*****
My name is Samantha Carter, and last night I was raped and murdered by someone I knew.
I now need to find out who he was.
*****
I always imagined death to be different. You know, bright lights, tunnels, gardens, dead relatives, that kind of thing. Not wondering round my house like a ghost while half the military walks all over my carpet.
I cleaned it yesterday, and now they're stomping over it in those boots. I'm not happy.
I'm dead.
Cassie's in shock. I'm a little annoyed at that. Cassie's in shock? What about me?
*****
I'm certified, photographed, and bundled off.
I never look my best first thing in the morning.
Janet's statement is taken, then she goes to see to Cassie when he turns up.
Jack.
I'd forgotten.
"What's happened?" he asks. He's concerned, he's worried. Scared sick.
"Sam…" Janet croaks. She's been crying.
"What's happened? Is she OK?"
Janet only shakes her head. She can't do anything else. Jack hates not being told stuff, so he grabs her and shakes her.
"What's happened?"
"She's dead," Janet whispers.
I can see him visibly collapse before he actually does. The colour drained from his face, his eyes dulled, mouth fell open… Then he's on the floor, sitting up against the wall with his head in his hands.
"I found her this morning," Janet whispers, sitting next to him. I sit on the other side, wishing I could reach out and touch him, hold him. "Someone…"
"Tell me," he commands softly. He knows it's not good news, but he wants to know all the same.
"She was raped." I watched Jack's hands clench into fists. His knuckles went white, and I was scared that he was going to draw blood on his palms the way he was carrying on. "Then he stabbed her and slit her throat."
"Oh God…" he breathes.
Breathing. I miss that.
"They're gonna do an autopsy, see what they can find. Chances are that they'll find something they can use. Hair, skin…"
She doesn't say semen, and I'm grateful for that. Little too crude.
"When?" Jack whispers.
"Last night. About two a.m. they reckon. They'll know more after…"
Janet stops, gets up, and leaves. She has to see to Cassie. Some things are more important. I just sit here with Jack as he finally starts to cry.
I don't think I've even seen him cry. Not properly.
None of the others do a thing, they just let him sit there.
'Jack,' I say to him. I know he can't hear me, but I want to say it all the same. 'It's OK, it'll be OK. I don't know how, but it will be.'
It's the little things that you take for granted. Being able to reach out and touch someone. Put your arm around them. Say their name. Sigh. Even tears would be a good thing.
But there's nothing I can do except sit here with Jack while he starts the mourning process.
*****
I didn't know what to do, so I stayed with Jack. I followed him back to the SGC. Despite being all non-corporeal, I found that if I concentrated hard enough, then I could control what this 'body' did.
Walking through walls was fun, but harder to do after each one. After running through three rooms in the SGC, I found that I was stuck in the fourth until an airman opened the door. Without thinking I walked straight through him.
He shuddered.
That gave me an idea.
When it came to Jack's car, all I had to do was picture myself in the passenger seat, and there I was. We sat in silence all the way to the mountain.
*****
General Hammond broke the news to Daniel and Teal'c, and left the rest of the complex to the grapevine. An hour afterwards, there was this little ceremony in the Gateroom for me. Weird that, being at your own memorial.
*****
"We have to do something," Daniel said.
"Like what?" Hammond asked.
"OK, the initial reports say that whoever… Sam knew him," Daniel tactfully said.
"That narrows it down," Jack mumbled.
It was equally weird watching a briefing where you're the subject.
"Major Carter's attacker could be a member of SGC," Teal'c offered.
"I find it hard to believe that one of my men could do this," Hammond countered.
But it sounded right.
"Maybe they didn't know," Daniel said suddenly. "We've come across plenty of examples where someone is forced to do something they didn't want to do."
'Go Daniel!' I yelled to no one in particular.
"Jack?" Hammond said.
"What?"
"You haven't said much."
"What's to say? Sam's dead. And with all due respect Danny Boy, I think you're trying to bring this close to home so we can sort it out ourselves."
"I was just saying…" Daniel started to defend himself.
"She was seeing someone," Jack said. "A civilian."
"I didn't know that."
"She only told me yesterday."
I remember that conversation. He was hurt, but he didn't let on. After what had happened last month… I had to tell him.
I owed it to him.
Shit, what was the guy's name? How can you forget your own boyfriend's name?
"This is being dealt with internally," Hammond said. "Major Carter was a member of the Air Force, and as such, her… death will be investigated by us alone."
"Sir," Jack said quietly. "Request permission to be involved with the investigation."
"Denied," he said firmly. "You're too close."
We've been closer, General, but we can't tell you that because it's wrong.
Hammond got up and left, leaving my three best friends sat at the table.
"Promise me something," Jack finally said.
"Anything," Daniel said.
"What is it, O'Neill?"
"That when we get the son of a bitch who did this to Sam, that we'll…" he trailed off, but we all knew what he meant.
Daniel nodded instantly. He'd kill for me. Teal'c sat motionless for a second.
"Such a death deserves vengeance, O'Neill," he said. "I will not be seen to break the rules, however…"
I think it's the first time Teal'c has ever left something unsaid. I was touched.
Teal'c and Daniel left Jack alone, and when he started to cry again I wanted to reach out and touch him. Without thinking, I did so, but passed straight through him.
He shuddered. Just like the airman did.
He looked at me, or rather where I was because he couldn't see me. For a second, I thought I saw something in his eyes that said he knew I was there, but he blinked and it was gone.
*****
When someone dies, it gets all depressing for a while. You spend a lot of time talking about the person, saying how much you'll miss them, relating stories, all the usual stuff. I've never been detached in the middle of such grief before, and it's unnerving. And interesting.
At least now I know who actually likes me! SG-1 aside, there are only a handful of people on base who are properly devastated. I should have included a clause in my contract that stipulated a three week mourning period for everyone when I…
It's been less than 24 hours, and I'm acting like I've been dead forever.
*****
There are more people in the mountain than normal. It's the AF investigation team. They look like the classic bad guys from the old movies; set jaws, narrow eyes. It's weird.
This whole thing is weird.
*****
Everyone's being questioned today. All off-world missions that aren't vitally important have been cancelled. Ah, the joy that is me. It's touching, but stupid. I hate everyone making this much of a fuss over me. God knows they didn't do it when I was alive.
After they'd been questioned, Jack, Daniel and Janet met up in the Infirmary. I tagged on; after all, there were only so many times that I could watch them question some airman who I'd spoken to twice.
"What'd they ask you?" Daniel asked Janet.
"About… finding her," she said carefully, not taking her eyes off Jack.
It wasn't until this happened that I finally realised how big the whole thing was, and now I couldn't do anything about it.
"They wanted to know why I was there," she continued.
"You were supposed to go away for the weekend, weren't you?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah. Cassie was looking forward to it…"
"How is she?" Jack finally spoke.
"Not good. She'll be OK, I'm just glad she didn't see…"
Jack hadn't seen me either, but I was there when he got the graphic description. I don't remember it happening, I just know it did. When I heard what he'd done to me, I felt just as sick as Jack did.
Found myself in the toilets again.
I must learn to control this. If I so much as think too strongly that I want to be somewhere, I'm there.
Too bad this is a dead-only gig, as it would rival the Stargate!
"I miss her," Jack said.
"We all do," Daniel replied, winning first prize in the stating-the-obvious competition.
"No, I miss her," he reinforced.
'I miss you too,' I said. 'I'm still here, but that doesn't matter because you can't see me, you can't hear me, and…'
It's frustrating, being in the same room as the people who mean the world to you (or should that be worlds, given how many we've been to?). I can't talk to them. I an only make them feel cold.
"Doctor Fraiser?"
I don't know this airman. I think he's part of the AFI. He's holding this file with my name on the top. I know it's not good. Nothing involving me is good at the moment.
"Yes?" Janet responds.
"I was sent to give this to you," he says. This is obviously his first assignment. He's nervous.
"Thanks," she replies, and takes the file. As the nervous boy leaves, she opens it.
"What is it?" Daniel asks.
"Autopsy results. Do you want to hear this?" she asks Jack, but she makes it sound like an open
question. I knew there was a reason I liked her.
"Sure," Jack replies.
"Cause of death, massive trauma to the throat, severe blood loss and asphyxiation. Massive trauma to chest and abdomen and…"
Janet trails off, and even I look up to enquire why.
"What?" Jack asked.
"She… She was pregnant," Janet said.
I was what?
(c) Jen
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